Posts tagged kelv

The Unknown RelicDiscovered in 1928, by American archeologist Isaac Borlin underneath the Kagdraa’lk Baldovgy cathedral in eastern Kelv. It was clearly made by human hands but carbon dating revealed it to be over 3 million years old. As of 1998, no one could located the relic and it was presumed stolen by unknown parties.

The Unknown Relic
Discovered in 1928, by American archeologist Isaac Borlin underneath the Kagdraa’lk Baldovgy cathedral in eastern Kelv. It was clearly made by human hands but carbon dating revealed it to be over 3 million years old. As of 1998, no one could located the relic and it was presumed stolen by unknown parties.

The Battle of GörvancThere was no winner.

The Battle of Görvanc
There was no winner.

FACTS ABOUT THE NATION OF KELV(click here to see larger version of map) 
Capital (and largest city): BladovakOfficial Language: KelvicGovernment: Warlord DemocracyPopulation: 4,563,112Religions: Kelvic Orthodox 70%, Vlach 16%, Brogosziin 9%, Muslim 5%, Jew 2%National Anthem: “Kelv, Kaar Ve Naccm” (Kelv, You Are The Night)Currency: FechNational Holidays: St. Draku’s Day (Feb 9), Gorvanc Rem (Nov 14)Agriculture: High-fructose corn syrup, onions, pig’s milk, radishes, gekhIndustries: glue, daggers, bleachCurrent Environmental Issues: petrification, spirit attacks, earth shiver

FACTS ABOUT THE NATION OF KELV
(click here to see larger version of map) 

Capital (and largest city): Bladovak
Official Language: Kelvic
Government: Warlord Democracy
Population: 4,563,112
Religions: Kelvic Orthodox 70%, Vlach 16%, Brogosziin 9%, Muslim 5%, Jew 2%
National Anthem: “Kelv, Kaar Ve Naccm” (Kelv, You Are The Night)
Currency: Fech
National Holidays: St. Draku’s Day (Feb 9), Gorvanc Rem (Nov 14)
Agriculture: High-fructose corn syrup, onions, pig’s milk, radishes, gekh
Industries: glue, daggers, bleach
Current Environmental Issues: petrification, spirit attacks, earth shiver

Old Kergk, the Serpent Shepherd. A recurring character from ancient Kelvic folklore. It’s said that he gathered the breast milk of 900 mothers and used it to lure all the snakes in Europe to the forests of Kelv.The story doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense.

Old Kergk, the Serpent Shepherd. 
A recurring character from ancient Kelvic folklore. 
It’s said that he gathered the breast milk of 900 mothers and used it to lure all the snakes in Europe to the forests of Kelv.
The story doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense.



The Battle For Kelvone of John Crave’s most epic song.
<a href=”http://johncrave.bandcamp.com/track/the-battle-for-kelv-slor” data-mce-href=”http://johncrave.bandcamp.com/track/the-battle-for-kelv-slor”>The Battle for Kelv / Slor by John Crave</a>

The Battle For Kelv
one of John Crave’s most epic song.

BEER COASTER FROM KELVThe Kelvic people love alcohol. But you wouldn’t want to party with them. When I was backpacking there a few years ago, I noticed the taverns always held a threat of violence breaking out at any moment. The jukeboxes are stocked only with the ungodliest Euro-techno or traditional folk ballads.
The best selling beer is Métesznech, which has a sour tinge and is both flat and foamy. Yet it’s so popular that you often see children drinking it on the way to school in the morning.  I think the woman on it is Kelv’s Miss Universe contestant from a few years back.

BEER COASTER FROM KELV

The Kelvic people love alcohol. But you wouldn’t want to party with them. When I was backpacking there a few years ago, I noticed the taverns always held a threat of violence breaking out at any moment. The jukeboxes are stocked only with the ungodliest Euro-techno or traditional folk ballads.

The best selling beer is Métesznech, which has a sour tinge and is both flat and foamy. Yet it’s so popular that you often see children drinking it on the way to school in the morning.  I think the woman on it is Kelv’s Miss Universe contestant from a few years back.

SLOR IS COMINGThe immortal hero of Ancient Kelvic lore… forthcoming in a graphic retelling of his epic journey.

SLOR IS COMING
The immortal hero of Ancient Kelvic lore… forthcoming in a graphic retelling of his epic journey.

The Ancient Ones of Kyuuthfrom left: Mmitch, Sallee, and Normun 

The Ancient Ones of Kyuuth
from left: Mmitch, Sallee, and Normun 

Ok, class…Today we’ll be learning about Kelvic architecture.

Ok, class…Today we’ll be learning about Kelvic architecture.

Our Man In KelvA couple years ago I went traveling around the Eastern European nation of Kelv. I kept my friends back home updated on the weirdness that I encountered by way of my Facebook status updates. It’s time everyone else got to read them. They’re all 100%  true.  

Our Man In Kelv
A couple years ago I went traveling around the Eastern European nation of Kelv. I kept my friends back home updated on the weirdness that I encountered by way of my Facebook status updates. It’s time everyone else got to read them. They’re all 100%  true.  

In 1983, the movie “Tron” was released to Kelvic theatres and  it took the nation by storm. People stood in line for days to see it. It also inspired many cheap domestic knock-offs like this comic book, “Gr’ekesz Nyef” which translates roughly to “Grid Knight”

In 1983, the movie “Tron” was released to Kelvic theatres and  it took the nation by storm. People stood in line for days to see it. It also inspired many cheap domestic knock-offs like this comic book, “Gr’ekesz Nyef” which translates roughly to “Grid Knight”

In a week from now, I’ll be re-assigned to The Laszlo Project; a highly-classified espionage network involving coordinates located in southern Florida and Kelv (and elsewhere)That’s all I can say about it right now. 

In a week from now, I’ll be re-assigned to The Laszlo Project;
a highly-classified espionage network involving coordinates located in southern Florida and Kelv (and elsewhere)
That’s all I can say about it right now.

 

Tonight I’ll be speaking about Kelv.If you are interested in hearing more about this mysterious nation of my mind,come and also enjoy readings by Ryan Van Winkle and Erica Moroz.@ Zora Space315 4th Avenue near 3rd street in Brooklyn.6:30 pm»Map

Tonight I’ll be speaking about Kelv.
If you are interested in hearing more about this mysterious nation of my mind,
come and also enjoy readings by Ryan Van Winkle and Erica Moroz.
@ Zora Space
315 4th Avenue near 3rd street in Brooklyn.
6:30 pm
»Map

Baldovgya

Bkriîavka FegnechnBladovak, KelvIn 1993, this office building was constructed in Kelv’s capital as headquarters for the nation’s leading sulphur corporation, Fegnechn Sél’fhnk LGK.
It was designed in the shape of an F, not only as a tribute to the name of the company, but as a way of say “F**k You” to any international regulations on environmental standards. They were the world’s leading polluter, until the company dissolved overnight in 2005. The building is currently unoccupied.(Did you find this at all interesting? Read more about Kelv here!)

Bkriîavka Fegnechn
Bladovak, Kelv

In 1993, this office building was constructed in Kelv’s capital as headquarters for the nation’s leading sulphur corporation, Fegnechn Sél’fhnk LGK.

It was designed in the shape of an F, not only as a tribute to the name of the company, but as a way of say “F**k You” to any international regulations on environmental standards. They were the world’s leading polluter, until the company dissolved overnight in 2005. The building is currently unoccupied.

(Did you find this at all interesting? Read more about Kelv here!)